From Student to Master
Have you ever faced a moment so dark that it felt like your heart was about to burst from your chest? What if I told you that I’ve not only been there, but I believe those who are called to heal themselves and their generational bloodlines endure several such “dark nights.”
Eleven years ago, I encountered my first dark night of the soul, a journey that, looking back, was terrifying and confusing. It lasted for two and a half years, leaving no room for me to fully process what was happening at the time.
During this period, I found my way into healing energy work and network therapy groups, as I was known for teaching yoga and meditation. Yet, physical pain began surfacing unexpectedly a sharp ache from my left shin down to the outside ankle. This injury made no sense given my background as a professional dancer. Despite seeking help, including six months of physical therapy, the pain only worsened.
While practicing yogic sets for the eyes to deepen awareness, I unwittingly opened the door to brain damage too rapidly. It was through the grace of something greater than myself that I eventually found a skilled physical therapist. Although driving an hour to see him was grueling, I persevered, sensing this was my path forward.
From our first session, he confirmed my intuitive belief: this pain was unraveling the physical scars of severe abuse I endured as a child. His somatic education and creativity, a gift likely shaped by his own dance background helped me approach healing in ways I never expected. He treated me as a healer in training, empowering me to continue bodywork exercises safely at home.
During this time, I revealed my abuse to my immediate and extended family. It was exhausting living in denial, attending events alongside someone who nearly took my life. What no one had prepared me for was how merely being in the same room as my abuser could wreak havoc on my immune system and skyrocket my cortisol levels.
The psychological and emotional weight of acknowledging this truth took years to unravel. I faced aggression and rejection from family members who echoed my predator’s manipulative narrative, leading to isolation that felt insurmountable. However, I refused to let darkness win. Each morning, despite overwhelming pain, I placed my feet on the ground and began building a solid healing toolkit one step at a time.
Through my journey, I’ve come to realize that pain whether physical, emotional, or spiritual is both a teacher and a mirror. It reveals the layers of ourselves we’ve been conditioned to hide, challenging us to transform. As I reflect on my first dark night of the soul, I see now that it wasn’t just a period of suffering, it was the start of a profound awakening.
People like Molly, my first student after returning to Pittsburgh, taught me what unconditional love looks like. Molly, a woman in her 60s who cared for her adopted daughter with a rare condition, shared acts of love that transformed those around her. Her breath and movement recovery after surgery mirrored the disciplined training I provided in our yoga sessions. Molly inspired me to cultivate unconditional love within myself and reminded me that light always emerges when nurtured with hope.
For anyone reading this who feels trapped in their own dark night, know that you’re not alone. Healing is not linear, and it’s certainly not easy, but it’s possible. Take it one step at a time, seek guidance where needed, and remember: your pain does not define you; it is part of the path leading to your transformation. I invite you to explore the resources and tools I’ve created on my website, attend my event or coaching sessions, or simply follow along with my story. Together, we can uncover the strength within to heal, grow, and thrive.
